You are not connected. Please login or register

View previous topic View next topic Go down Message [Page 1 of 1]

1Kikawa Clan Empty Kikawa Clan Sun Mar 02, 2014 3:11 am

Kokoro

Kokoro


D-rank
Symbol: Kikawa Clan Wawa_l11


Clan: Kikawa – Demon River Clan

Kekkei Genkai: Crocodile Attributes and Transformation

Elements: Suiton – Water

Specialization: Taijutsu (Strength)

Location: Usually Sunagakure, but can be from other villages. Warmer climates preferred. (see Drawbacks)

Clan History:
Spoiler:

Kekkei Genkai Description:
Spoiler:

Drawbacks:

Spoiler:

Members: Kokoro

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:
Spoiler:



Last edited by Kokoro on Fri May 02, 2014 6:43 pm; edited 11 times in total

2Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Sun Mar 02, 2014 3:54 pm

Keiko

Keiko


D-rank
- For the excellent swimming trait of your kekkei genkai, instead of stating the amount of time the user can stay under water in minutes, I would suggest changing it to a certain number of posts. Time is very fluid in RP, and it becomes difficult to decipher what exactly is "15 minutes" when writing.

- For drawbacks, requiring that users take the Special Characteristic "Bulky" does not count as a drawback, as it is already required when taking the "Mighty" SC. As for the cold conditions drawback, I don't see how this can be valid drawback, as temperature can always easily be manipulated through writing. Perhaps change it to taking +1 damage from hyōton (ice) techniques, and a set chakra loss when in a specifically colder village (ie. Kirigakure) or under the influence of a technique that specifically manipulates temperature.

- Jutsu:

Minor Beast Transformation: Reptile Stance: For your duration, put "Maintainable" instead of what you have now. Your cool down should be "Duration + 3", meaning you'd have a fixed cool down of three posts, plus the number of posts the jutsu is sustained for. The maximum stat increase at C rank is +0.75, so you'll need to decrease your +1. For that charge towards the opponent, is that an additional stat buff? If so, again, the total speed that the user is moving cannot exceed the +0.75.

Partial Beast Transformation: Man-Crocodile Hybrid: For duration, put "Maintainable". There is too much going on in this technique. You either get the defensive properties and offensive properties, or switch them out for a single +1. B ranks are allowed a single +1 buff with drawbacks (ie. getting a +1 in speed for the duration of the technique, but resulting in a -1 speed after the technique is over), and nothing more. Cooldown needs to be increased, or changed to the "Duration + x" form, as mentioned in the previous technique.

Full Beast Transformation: Large Crocodile: Make duration maintainable, and in brackets, mention the 1 post preparation time. Once again, you have defensive, offensive and supplementary effects here - at least one of them needs to be removed. The maximum for an A rank is a +1 buff without drawbacks, so if you go with the supplementary properties, you'll have to choose one of the other (or split between the two, giving a +0.5 to each). Note that with full transformation, the user shouldn't be able to use anything that requires hand signs, or other techniques that would require a human form to activate.

Full Beast Transformation: Monstrous Crocodile: Much like the other two techniques, you're going to have to decide which properties you want to keep, as your technique has too many functions. If you decide on the supplementary stat boosts, the maximum you can have at S rank is a +2 (at the moment, you have a total of +4: two for speed, two for strength).

3Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Sun Mar 02, 2014 5:27 pm

Kokoro

Kokoro


D-rank
Edited.

I changed the excellent swimming trait from minutes to posts and gave specific regions (Kumo and Kiri) where the ice weakness is activated as well as a new drawback.

I also changed lessened the effects of the jutsus and edited the format.

Your suggestions were very helpful, Keiko. Thank you so much. :)

4Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Mon Mar 03, 2014 10:02 pm

Keiko

Keiko


D-rank
Full Beast Transformation: Man-Crocodile Hybrid: Specify the rank of armour / weaponry that it can break through, and mention that this cannot break through them if they're augmented with chakra. With the tail, teeth, and claws, every portion that can cause offensive damage needs the damage to be specified. (i.e.. if the tail can be used as a bludgeoning weapon, specify whether it causes bruising, or knocks an opponent back, or breaks bones).

Full Beast Transformation: Monstrous Crocodile: Once again, specify the rank of armour / weaponry, and limited to non-chakra augmented ones.

5Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:37 am

Kokoro

Kokoro


D-rank
Edited.

I specified the attacks in the two jutsus you mentioned and quantified the best of my abilities the damage they can do as well as the defensive capabilities of the armor.

Thanks again, Keiko!

6Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Mar 04, 2014 4:02 pm

Keiko

Keiko


D-rank
1/2 Approved.

7Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Mar 04, 2014 5:02 pm

Yuudai

Yuudai


D-rank
In your Kekkei Genkai Description, list out how far they can smell per rank. This is mainly due to not listing out the increase per rank, whether its a constant number added per rank, or multiplied, still needs to be determined and then relooked at when balancing.

8Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Mar 04, 2014 5:26 pm

Kokoro

Kokoro


D-rank
Edited.

I gave the range of the scent ability from Genin level to Kage level. Essentially, it doubles with each rank increase.

Thanks, Yuudai!

9Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:35 pm

Daremo




S-rank
Approved

10Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:18 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Up for revamp~

The +1 to speed gained while in water should be worded as a +1 tier rather than a +1 rank.

11Kikawa Clan Empty Re: Kikawa Clan Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:54 pm

Keiko

Keiko


D-rank
In addition to the changes requested by Bokuden above, your jutsu also need to be edited.

Partial Beast Transformation: Reptile Stance: Please refer to the stat +1/-1 section in the jutsu rules. Fractions / decimals will no longer be used.

Partial Beast Transformation: Scale Plate Armour is fine.

Full Beast Transformation: Man-Crocodile Hybrid: Give damages to what bites can do for unarmored opponents - refer to the jutsu rules for appropriate piercing depth.

Full Beast Transformation: Monstrous Crocodile: Same as above, giving the biting damage for unarmored opponents (for cases where you aren't swallowing someone whole).

Sponsored content



View previous topic View next topic Back to top Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum

Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden belong to © Masashi Kishimoto.