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1Niziaga Clan, Scattered Empty Niziaga Clan, Scattered Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:10 am

Irusame_Niziaga

Irusame_Niziaga


D-rank
Symbol:
Niziaga Clan, Scattered Winged10

Clan: Niziaga

Kekkei Genkai:
Red Static

Elements:
Raiton or Doton

Specialization:
Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, Fuinjutsu

Location:
Uknown

Clan History:
The Niziaga clan was a clan sheltered in mountains to the far northwest. They were a clan very known little of, but were usually used for mercenaries and assassinations primarily. The founder of the clan was named Mafara Niziaga. Her family bred through the generations. It was such commonplace for inter-marriage, incest marriages for the secluded Niziaga clan until the eighth head Yei Niziaga took over and banned such practices. Females were found to be the more dominant of the clan in leadership as the males in contrast were silent, but were more potent in their Kekkai Genkai's. Politics being commonplace for over prideful females led to the ultimate downfall to the clan about thirteen years prior to this date and time (Thursday July 18, 2013). The family split in two following the selection of the next matriarch. The civil war under the sides of Tema Niziaga and Hen Niziaga caused innocent children to be slaughtered. In the end, a neighboring fishing village down the mountains complained to certain authorities of the region who called in a forbidden organization called Tiber, who's whereabouts and histories were unknown. These whited hooded ninja killed off what remained of the warring clan. However, they kept alive the five children left from the war. These children were taken to a facility on a secluded island. They were tested on, but however three of the children died. The other two, Irusame Nizaga and his sister Farasa Niziaga lived. But were both blind. The experiments failed however. Irusame fled with his sister one snowy day and managed to sneak off the island on the cargo ship that came often about seven years after the two had been taken to the island. The only two remaining survivors are Farasa and Irusame. However, they were separated when the boat was sunk off shore mysteriously. Nizaga's tend to have red or white hair and tanned skin which is due to their kekkai genkai. They also have purple eyes.

Kekkei Genkai Description: Red Static- The Niziaga's Kekkai Genkai uses natural energy in the air, ground and from moving objects (kinetic energy) and turn it into visible red static which enables the user to use the static to promote defense, attack, speed or use the static as a natural sealing measure. The kekkei genkai adds a sensory type effect around them as they feel natural energy of movement from everything around them. They also give off the static energy in small amounts naturally as like a senseory awarness as the energy 'feels' its way around objects identifying what is moving and what is inanimate by energy comparison.

Drawbacks: The user risks minor to permanent paralysis when using the kekkei genkei techniquies that cause their nerves to possibly fry or even a limb to stop moving.

Members:
Farasa Niziaga
Irusame Niziaga

Spoiler:



Last edited by Irusame_Niziaga on Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:28 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Kekkai Genkai was already taken by another clan as listed by mod and so I made a unique clan according to directions of such.)

2Niziaga Clan, Scattered Empty Re: Niziaga Clan, Scattered Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:12 am

Guest



Guest
Forwarded to http://www.narutosaga.com/t5599-sotsuji-clan?highlight=sotsuji

3Niziaga Clan, Scattered Empty Re: Niziaga Clan, Scattered Fri Jul 19, 2013 9:43 pm

Guest



Guest
First, take the elements out of the specialization section. Just put Taijutsu/Ninjutsu/Fuuinjutsu. Now, at the moment, the only bonuses applied from the kekkei genkai are the kekkei genkai jutsu themselves? Please clarify. Even then, you'll need to give details about this "permanent paralysis" claimed in the drawbacks. Now, onto the jutsu.

Thousand Birdies
The chakra loss for C, B, A, and S-Ranks are too high for my tastes. Please lower them. Also, add a duration. This technique is too powerful to be unlimited.

Grand Maze
This is bordering on Magnet Release; I recommend you make it Doton only, and just use it to create walls rather than bring them out of the ground. Doton can make metal, so you don't need to go digging for it. Next, be specific in the defensive capability of the walls at each rank. Like, "can be hit by X many jutsu of X rank before falling apart" Also, the durations are waaaay too long. Please lower them, A LOT. Like, maybe 2 posts for D-Rank, and +1 post per rank (i.e. C-Rank lasts 3 posts, B lasts 4, etc.) The cooldown should be at least 4 posts, I recommend more at the higher ranks, of course.

Armageddon's Bolt
Please detail the length of the paralysis, and the effects of frying and petrification. Also, instead of percents, you'll be needing to use the dice function, so rather than X percent chance of frying, say "the user rolls a die, and if they roll a 1, the opponent is fried." Two dice will be rolled, of course, one ten-sided one for frying, and one hundred-sided one for petrification.

Craven Seal
This is far too powerful. It holds the opponent down for an unlimited duration...no. Also, it is basically Magnet Release, which is already a kekkei genkai here. This jutsu is denied.

Make these edits and we'll continue.

4Niziaga Clan, Scattered Empty Re: Niziaga Clan, Scattered Sat Jul 20, 2013 12:58 pm

Guest



Guest
Thousand Birdies: As previously stated, you cannot continuously drain chakra from the opponent without a chakra drain per post from you; thus, a limit to duration or a chakra drain per post is needed. I don't like the percentages you're using, it makes it awkward to try and calculate. Give solid numbers per post.

Grand Maze: There's a reason why Steel Release is banned. You can't make metal with Doton, only earth (hence the name Earth Release). For everything else, see Daraku's post.

Armageddon's Bolt: Again, your percentages are screwy. The petrification by itself is almost impossible to calculate with the kinds of dice-rolls we have here on Saga. Your blast radius is a bit large, considering it covers half of the area in which you can actually fire it. Also, you say the Thousand Birdies mark acts as a homing beacon; does this actually let it home in on someone? If so, is this infallible, or can it still be evaded?

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