History // KKGYour history is interesting, I like it. It's unique, builds off extended canon and slots into the site nicely. Well done~
"+2 speed, faster reflexes and agility (+1 for both)." <-- This is what i asked you to change, you're getting a total of +4 stats out of this, where the maximum for any clan is +3, and then you need to take an equal active disadvantage to make up for these three. receiving +1 rank of damage from a spec or element is considered 'one' of these kinds of drawbacks, you will need 3 of them.
I would also like you to say in the KKG how the user activates the eye. You say in the drawback its cost to activate and maintain, but you're going to need to go into a lot better detail about the eye itself in this section. At what rank is a person able to unlock it? How many words/ conditions need to be met to do so, if any, etc etc. Remember, this is a Doujutsu, it is special, it is one of the most iconic and legendary Kekkei Genkai in the Naruto world, people with Doujutsu are famous 'just' for having them, and you need to give it that attention. When you describe it in the KKG you are giving other players a guide for how to play a member of this clan, right now, if I were to make a character, I don't know how this Hoshigan works... which is a shame, cos i think it's really cool. It's a slight shame it has nothing to do with the 'mysterious peacock method,' but oh well...
Drawbacks:You are going to need more active drawbacks, the chakra cost for the Hoshigan should be in the KKG section where you describe the hoshigan, not being able to learn genjutsu is not an active drawback which will negatively effect you in a thread, being weak to it would be, not being able to use it... not so much, and you need 3 of those active drawbacks just to balance out your statistic increases from the clan buff, and another to balance it being a doujutsu clan.
Examples of the kind of drawbacks i am looking for:
- -'s to statistics
- weaknesses to specs / elements
- Negative special characteristics that cannot be balanced
- the inability to learn 4th elements / specs, or third, if you wanna go that far.
- reductions to how high you can train said specs / elements.
These all give you an 'active' drawback when, for example, in combat with another player, they are things which are going to effect your character ICly and balance out their disadvantages, much of what you have in your disadvantages so far, are things which should be in a nice long description of how your Doujutsu works, in your KKG description area. :)
Jutsu:Flash:
- I don't understand this, you say it moves at 15mp/s, you describe a blue glow appearing 2 minutes before the flash? Most fights in this site are over in 30 seconds... I would suggest something like a blue glow coveres the range of the technique for 2 seconds, before the flash comes, and knocks out people within the first 10m and stuns those in the remaining range for 1 turn. Or something. Then, you don't need a speed as such, it's just if people don't move or block, it's over
- you have a scaling range and duration, but the jutsu is not a scaling jutsu, i don't understand it, does it scale or does it not, and if so, what's the difference with its scaling power?
- Also, how does it knock people out? I would like to know how, is it a blast from the eye, this jutsu is not very descriptive.
- How wide is the area, it's 20m long, but there is no width, is it just 20m ahead and in every direction you can see?
Eclipse:
- I would like you to describe the clones for me in more detail please, how are they formed, how do they appear?
- How much damage can they do?
- I'd like the cooldown to be higher please, closer to 5-6
- So, i assume the user does not control these clones, as you've already stated what they do? They're just, kinda, physical attack / berserker clones? Please confirm
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I think you may not understand something, on saga we don't use mph, = miles per hour... we use mp/s which is meters per second. ^_^ We way to go yet, but i'm seeing some good changes.