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1Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Fri Apr 25, 2014 12:15 am

Takumi Senju

Takumi Senju


D-rank
ANBU Jutsu:

Mokuton:

Doton:


Suiton:

Summoning Jutsu:

Academy Jutsu:



Last edited by Takumi Senju on Sun May 18, 2014 3:11 pm; edited 3 times in total

2Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sat Apr 26, 2014 3:24 am

Daraku

Daraku


D-rank
Perpetually Shifting Forest - Lower the range to a 6 meter radius

Lumberman's Retribution - Lower the range to a 15 meter radius, and limit the number of branches that can be used at once to 5 and no more. Also, put in that once a branch is hit with 2 C-Rank techniques or 1 B-Rank technique, that particular branch is destroyed.

Four Pillar House - Uh, this is far too strong for my tastes. Put in that only one house can be made per use, just to reiterate that. Add that that the house can be destroyed by 3 B-Ranks, 2 A-Ranks, or 1 S-Rank or higher jutsu, aside from Katon. Put in that it takes one full post for the house to be created, and that it takes 4 full posts before the walls can cave in and crush the people inside so that they have a sufficient chance to escape. Lower the strength requirement to escape the house to A-Rank instead of SS. Increase the cooldown to 8 posts.

Nativity of a Sea of Trees - Put in that 2 S-Ranks, 1 SS-Rank, or 3 A-Ranks can destroy the forest and end the jutsu. Put in that the user may only trap people within five meters of themselves, but keep the jutsu's total range at 20 as it is. Put in that it takes five full posts to suffocate someone under a tree, or you can choose to shatter their bones instead, but cannot do both in one use of the technique or tear off their limbs. Add that a victim can use S-Rank strength or higher to escape the bindings of a tree, and put in a -15 chakra cost per post to maintain the jutsu.

Swamp of the Underworld - Lower the range to 15 meters, and add some way for the victims to escape if they can.

Double Suicide Decapitation - Use the proper version that is widely used, yours is outdated.
Code:
[b]Name:[/b] Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique (土遁・心中斬首の術 ~ Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu)
[b]Canon/Custom:[/b] Canon
[b]Rank:[/b] D-Rank
[b]Type:[/b] Offensive
[b]Element:[/b] Earth/Doton
[b]Range:[/b] 10 meters
[b]Specialty:[/b] Ninjutsu
[b]Duration:[/b] 1
[b]Cooldown:[/b] 5 posts
[b]Description:[/b] The user buries himself under the ground and moves beneath the surface. He or she can move in a 10 m radius. The objective of this technique is to drag the opponent under the ground along with the user. The victim is buried beneath the ground up to his or her head. He or she remains trapped and unable to move for up to 1 post. Once they are buried, the user emerges from the ground once again. The victim may escape this technique by using an appropriate raiton or Doton technique to destroy the ground.

Replace all your Suiton jutsu, except Archerfish, with their updated versions, found in the Suiton library over here. Archerfish isn't in the library but your version is fine.

Clan jutsu and Academy jutsu are both fine for now, clan jutsu will be dealt with when Senju is revamped and Academy jutsu are up-to-date. Bump this thread when you've made the edits.

3Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sat Apr 26, 2014 4:21 am

Takumi Senju

Takumi Senju


D-rank
Bump~

i think i got everything if not let me know and i'll fix it.

4Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:11 am

Daraku

Daraku


D-rank
Nativity - Make sure you clarify that the 3 A / 2 S / 1 SS do NOT have to be Katon to destroy the forest. Katon simply has a +1 against Mokuton, meaning that 3 B-Rank / 2 A-Rank / 1 S-Rank would have the same effect and burn down the forest, so long as it is Katon.

Swamp of the Underworld - You're gonna have to change the last part. You can't make the only way to escape be some S-Rank requirements if this is a B-Rank technique. A-Rank speed or A-Rank strength, not S-Rank; alternatively, you can make it one of the two rather than either one, but lower the rank req to B. What I'm saying is:
"If the user has A-Rank strength they may pull themselves free from the grip of the quicksand traps/or if they have A-Rank speed they can avoid the area before they sink too far."

OR

"If the user has B-Rank Strength, they may pull themselves free from the grip of the quicksand traps."

OR

"If the user has B-Rank speed, they can avoid the area before they sink too far."

I'll let you choose between the three, since it's your technique and all.

Summoning: Wolf's Rage - Specify how deep its claws/teeth can pierce/cut, how fast it can move, etc. See the Jutsu Rules for the correct numbers per rank, but remember that you cannot have both max speed and max damage on a jutsu of any kind unless there is a drawback to the user present.

5Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sun May 18, 2014 12:07 pm

Takumi Senju

Takumi Senju


D-rank
Bump

6Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sun May 18, 2014 2:02 pm

Daraku

Daraku


D-rank
Summoning: Wolf's Rage - 3 D-Rank attacks to dispel, not 4 D-Ranks. Lower the piercing depth of the teeth to 1.5 inches and lower the cutting depth of their claws to 1 inch. You also have a typo in the piercing depth of the teeth, it says "flash" instead of "flesh". Fix all of this and I'll approve

7Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sun May 18, 2014 3:11 pm

Takumi Senju

Takumi Senju


D-rank
Bump~

8Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Empty Re: Takumi Senju (Jutsu list update) Sun May 18, 2014 3:47 pm

Daraku

Daraku


D-rank
Your jutsu list update is approved.

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