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1Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 8:24 am

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Name: Ajairu
Rank: A
Elements: Water
Species: Peregrine Falcon
Appearance: An absurdly large Peregrine: nearly 3 meter wing span and 2m tall when perched.
Spoiler:
Personality: Very friendly, can often be found trying to perch on Ukiyo's shoulder like he did when they were younger, though utterly failing now due to his size. He is very protective of Ukiyo however and therefore wary of strangers. In battle he is often watching from a nearby perch or circling overhead. Ukiyo feeds him various seeds and berries and when training they race each other (though Ajairu always wins). Often Ajairu will nuzzle into Ukiyo's neck with the top of his head if she isn't paying enough attention to him, which is rare.
Combat: In combat, Ajairu will usually keep his distance from Ukiyo. At the first sign of combat, he will immediately fly away into a nearby tree or take watch from the sky (circling overhead, flying back and forth from various locations, or using any amount of wind stream to hover). Like all birds of his species, Ajairu is an expert in speed. Ajairu's dive speed can reach over 200 m/s. If Ajairu hits a target with his beak, either from a dive or from pecking, Ajairu can deal 5-inch deep wounds. Due to his massive size and Ukiyo's extremely light weight, Ajairu is capable of carrying Ukiyo while flying.
Techniques:
Spoiler:



Last edited by Ukiyo on Sun Jan 05, 2014 6:09 pm; edited 21 times in total

2Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:05 am

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
How large is the bird exactly?

Also your jutsu are too powerful again.

Seed drop- Honestly this could probably just be rp'd in. There is nothing in this jutsu that requires chakra. I'm not sure how I feel about this jutsu really. If she is merely dropping the seeds then they shouldn't be "extremely" accurate unless she is dropping them at point black range. Wind and a myriad of other things would effect their trajectory during fall, even at a short distance, due to how small they are. If it "fired" or "launched" the seeds however that would be a different story. The jutsu would need to be a higher rank, speed would need to be quantified, and 50m is entirely too far for an E rank jutsu.

Wind Havoc- Pets aren't allowed to use elemental jutsu, so I stopped reading it xD. Please replace it with something non-alligned and bump for review.

3Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:26 am

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Changed to launch and increased rank to D. Also added speed and made the default up to 5 seeds rather than have it cost per seed. I know I could do this through RP, but I wanted to avoid that because I feel that that would be godmodding a bit. The chakra used for this jutsu is what allows the bird to be accurate via launching them.

Took out element for cry havoc and increased rank to C.

4Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:32 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
50m is still far too much range for D/C-rank jutsu. Lower the speed of the seed thing to 5m/s, it is difficult enough to avoid due to it being so small. Also the seeds need to be applied to the bird IC. The seeds are a jutsu, they won't just magically appear on his feet. And a -1 debuff is too much for a C-rank. C-rank debuffs generally hard cap at 50%

5Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:41 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Bokuden wrote:50m is still far too much range for D/C-rank jutsu. Lower the speed of the seed thing to 5m/s, it is difficult enough to avoid due to it being so small. Also the seeds need to be applied to the bird IC. The seeds are a jutsu, they won't just magically appear on his feet. And a -1 debuff is too much for a C-rank. C-rank debuffs generally hard cap at 50%

Before I edit:

The point of the first jutsu is that it's dropping a seed from the sky, and also that it's a setup jutsu, not an actual "attack". I thought that, given the application, a long range was appropriate (and also considering this is basically all my pet does, they don't actually engage the enemy). What would you suggest the range be?

For most C-rank debuffs, how long does the debuff last? Just wondering because I made the debuff -1 because I thought the duration being only 1 post was a drawback.

I'm not questioning your evaluation/authority, of course. I make them strong because I know mods will adjust them as necessary. I just want to make sure I don't put in drawbacks unecessarily

6Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Fri Aug 02, 2013 10:51 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
I told you, dropping a seed from the sky can be rp'd in and would be subject to anything that might redirect their trajectory. Unless you wanted to rain down seeds (which would be a much higher ranked jutsu), I'm going to go with the "launching" of the seed as the jutsu. At D rank I'd allow 10m for the seed firing.

Whether it lasting only one post is a drawback or not, the hard caps for buff/debuffs according to rank rarely change. I'd rather see it be a -50% for 2 posts than a -1 for a single post.

7Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:02 am

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Updated. Changed the species since there's no reason to have a pet that can't engage in combat I guess.

8Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:20 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Bokuden wrote:Also the seeds need to be applied to the bird IC. The seeds are a jutsu, they won't just magically appear on his feet.

Ukiyo will need to use her seed creating jutsu IC in that thread to attach seeds to the bird. The way you have it written sounds to me like the bird just constantly has seeds on its feet from being in contact with Ukiyo. It does not. I'm not familiar with the jutsu that creates these seeds, but whatever it is, it will have to be activated and the seeds will have to be placed on the bird in the thread before the seed drop jutsu can be used.

For cry havoc, I know it is nitpicking but I would prefer to see it written that the enemy suffers a "50%" reduction in speed rather than "0.5 of a rank". The site as a whole collectively uses the percentage description and I would like to keep it uniform for the jutsu that pass through here.

And why was seed rain lowered to an E-rank jutsu?

9Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sat Aug 03, 2013 6:58 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Seed Rain: Fixed so it specifically says the jutsu must be active.
Cry havoc: Fixed syntax. And I don't mind at all! Consistency is very important.
I thought the decrease in range was E-worthy, but I guess I was wrong. Changed back to D.

10Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:43 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
One last thing about Cry Havoc. I'm not in love with the idea of blocking her ears with plant matter although it makes sense. I just don't want you to have to pay extra chakra for Ukiyo to be unaffected by this jutsu (forming plant matter, even on that small of a scale necessitates the use of chakra). It would probably be better if Ukiyo was merely unaffected by the chakra frequency of the bird's screech for whatever reason (Maybe specify that she has spent so much time with the bird that she has become attuned to it's chakra frequency or something like that).

11Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:22 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
fixed

12Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:37 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Nawwww, I just wanted her to be immune to his attack >.< No altering their physical composition without jutsu.

13Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:44 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Sure. Thought I'd have some fun with it, didn't mean to give her an additional trait.

14Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 5:15 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Minor house cleaning, for Seeded Rain can you please name the exact jutsu that you will be using to place seeds on your falcon?

15Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 5:20 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Done

16Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 5:48 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Looking good now, but I do have an issue with one thing. Seed rain's "moving vs stationary" target thing. It is entirely up to the person who is being shot at to decide whether or not their characters are moving. If you take it upon yourself to say that they were standing still and rp as if it hit them without giving them a chance to react that is godmoding.

17Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 5:52 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Bokuden wrote:Looking good now, but I do have an issue with one thing. Seed rain's "moving vs stationary" target thing. It is entirely up to the person who is being shot at to decide whether or not their characters are moving. If you take it upon yourself to say that they were standing still and rp as if it hit them without giving them a chance to react that is godmoding.

Well aware, I never consider anything auto hit, even if its point blank range. I'll ask them what their stance is given Ajairu's distance, seed speed, and their stance at the end of their last post.

18Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:38 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Please change the duration of both to "Instantaneous" and move the "2 posts" for Cry into the description where it describes the speed debuff. I'm sorry for all of the minor things, but I need to clean things up before I unleash them into the site.

19Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:41 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
fixed

20Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:25 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
~Approved~

This pet will cost you 1k ryo. Enjoy~

21Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:57 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
? According to the item rules C-rank items cost 220-500 ryo, and pets follow item creation rules?

22Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:02 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
No, pets have their own price ranges, which are dictated at minimum by the amount of ryo it takes to train a pet manually between ranks. + for not having to go through the work of training it. 1k ryo is pretty close to standard for a C-rank pet.

23Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:03 pm

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
K, so do I post here again when I have the ryo?

24Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:09 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
No, the approval of this pet as is is indefinite. Once you have the ryo just post in the Admin request thread asking for the deduction. Link them to this approval and you'll be good to go.

25Ajairu (Pet Registration) Empty Re: Ajairu (Pet Registration) Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:55 am

Ukiyo

Ukiyo

Dead
Updated to specify exactly how deep a shuriken penetrates (this is not a change, simply a clarification)

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