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1RedMoon  Empty RedMoon Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:41 am

Subject 13

Subject 13


D-rank
Symbol:
RedMoon  300px-GildedCns-logo

Clan: Shadow Moon

Kekkei Genkai: Shadow

Elements: Shadow

Specialization: Tiejutsu

Location: Scattered

Clan History: This clan is not a clan as much as it is a small group of individuals. This clan was born from other clans all around the world through a breeding project known as Project 0. This project was designed to take all of the strongest ninja around the world and put them all into one secure location and force them by any means to breed carefully picked pairs. Time and time again they hoped to create the perfect weapon of war but almost every attempt failed and the scientist were on the verge of giving up. About ten years of trying to make the perfect weapon was wasted until they took one of the newest generations and mixed them. Creating the clan for what it is. None of the subjects had a real name besides the ones that the original host had so the scientist decided to name the clan Redmoon. After mixing animal DNA the subjects soon started to take the apperance of an animal. And after a few years managed to actually become one. The subjects were faster, smarter, and stronger than any other normal human.


Kekkei Genkai Description:


-Bloodline Description:
The Moon clan is a clan of humans who have the blood of the wolf. They are faster, stronger and smarter than any normal human. They mature far faster than humans and have highly complex lifestyles. They ARE NOT LYCANS (wolfman) but actual wolves. They can have any type of characteristics and appearance. Three tails or horns any color and pattern. Someone in this bloodline does not have the same appearance in both forms. You may look different in human form than your wolf form. Some members of this clan are hellish and have extra appendages or odd eye coloration. Now for their human form they have a human looks but have some wolf characteristics. They have wolf ears and their wolf tails, each Redmoon member MUST look different from one another. No two Redmoons look the same, not even twins. Redmoon clan members may be human but still have their canine tendencies. Meaning if you were to get insulted or your feelings were to be hurt then your ears would lay flat and tail is lowered. When in complete fear of something tail is between legs and ears are folded back. When happy tail would be wagging and ears would be high up. When aggressive and ready to attack tail will be high up and ears will be perked up, teeth will be bared. All of these go for both forms at all times. The Redmoon tend to keep it civil, they are not crazed animals who kill everything in their path, they are very cultural and in tune with the feelings of others. They read the body language of others around them, they respect the moon above all else. Redmoon get their name from their red eyes that only accrues during a full moon. They have only three weaknesses that are known, any type of silver will act as a poison on their body and (slowly) kill them. Approximant time until death will be 2-3 days depending on injury. The only cure from silver is Wolfsbane a plant that cures whatever injury that may be inflicted. The second known weakness lightning, third is high pitch sounds, their hearing is so high and type of high sound. This may not kill them but It can cause them to go depth or even pass out. As for their strength they are capable of talking to animals and have the ability to even make some parts of their body change. Some believe the Redmoon are similar to hellhounds or even somehow linked with the nine tailed fox. But this is all nothing more but superstition. Also, the transformation of a Redmoon is completely physical, it is a change of blood and if you are not Redmoon you cannot inherit their ability’s, you are born into the clan and die with the clan. But there is a way for outsiders to become Redmoon when an already existing members trades blood with an outsider. The results are half breeds known as Bloodborn. All Bloodborn take over the appearance of their turner. Also have excellent night vision.

Drawbacks:

Weakness to Silver
Weakness to Lightning
Weakness to high pitch sounds



Members:
Subject 13

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:

None



Last edited by Subject 13 on Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:58 am; edited 4 times in total

2RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:13 am

Guest



Guest
First off, you'll want to apply for Telekinesis as a jutsu in itself; having it at any power level without a chakra cost is simply not a good idea.

As for the ability itself, you'll want to go down from tons to pounds; you should have it scale by rank (at S-rank, you might be able to lift a ton).

Likewise for all your other jutsu....you don't say very much (except for TK blast) how it changes per rank.

For the Shield, you should say how many attacks it can defend against before the jutsu is forced to end.

TK blast, you need to tone it down. Breaking bones starts at B-rank. D-rank can cause minor bruising, C rank major bruising/possible cracks in bones, B rank breaking, A rank possible shattering.

Repulse....oh my. Again, major injuries like broken bones, or even the possibility of a jutsu by itself killing a target, is reserved for B-rank and above.

All right, drawbacks....
No Free Will....what does this transfer into? Does it make so that even your allies are in danger? Does the 'berserker rage' give you any special endurance?
Internal Bleeding, does this give you any ability deductions, such as to speed/strength/TK power? It's easy to say you have internal bleeding but then magically push through it.
The stabby-stabby price is good.
Emotional Distress seems more plot-oriented, but it's fine.

3RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:49 am

Subject 13

Subject 13


D-rank
Edited

4RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Mon Jul 01, 2013 12:14 pm

Guest



Guest
TK shield's cooldown needs to be fixed (cooldown should be 1.5x-2x the Duration). In addition, all of your prolonged jutsu should have a chakra drain per post. You can't negate all physical attacks with a D-rank jutsu. While I'm fine with it only being effective against physical attacks, it shouldn't be able to instablock them. 'anything that can be held/touched' not damaging the shield is very broad, and makes it very powerful. You'll want to add a number of physical attacks it can withstand (though this can be more than the number of jutsu it can take). Fire and water aren't affected; what about Wind and Earth?

You still didn't turn Telekinesis (basic) into a jutsu.

No Free Will: so you would, say, not notice injuries that you might have otherwise?

No Control: You'll have to detail this more. They can't control what they do using Telekinesis....unless they gain control of their minds. That's a convenient loophole. You'll want to detail how they could 'regain their minds'.

Repulse: 'blinding speeds' is a bit much for spanning all those ranks. Damage ranks are fine, but 100yd is also a bit far for just about everything but A-rank.



5RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:15 am

Subject 13

Subject 13


D-rank
Edited.

6RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:37 am

Guest



Guest
You put your Kekkei Genkai description in the History section, and merged your Drawbacks with the Description to boot. Fix it and add a history, please.

You mention silver acting as poison. This is banned. Also, wolfsbane is now irrelevant, so remove that too.

For all of your jutsu, please use the template found in the Jutsu Rules.

Fury: You mention 'enhanced'. Is this another technique? In essence, give the multiplier on speed and strength, and to what type of wound you could resist pain.

Shadow Hound Jutsu: Shadow Manipulation is taken by the Nara clan.

Shadow Bonding: This exists as the Library jutsu, the Silhouette technique, though not nearly as powerful as this (and at the same rank). Denied as a form of shadow manipulation.

Self-Aware Shadow: Denied as a form of shadow manipulation.

7RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:21 pm

Subject 13

Subject 13


D-rank
Done

8RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Thu Jul 04, 2013 2:32 am

Guest



Guest
You'll need to find another drawback instead of Silver. As poison is banned on this site, having silver act as a poison to you (not to mention with an antidote that has no known location) is not an option here.

Your Kekkei Genkai says Shadow. You don't reference anything else concerning it, so please remove it.

You're not allowed to give your Kekkei Genkai to other people, as far as I know.

Speaking of which, you say 'transformation' or making their body change yet don't entail what this does battle-wise.

Extra appendages must be apped as a Clan Special Characteristic.

Overall, you should have more weaknesses....especially after you detail all the benefits this clan actually gives. Quite vague right now.

9RedMoon  Empty Re: RedMoon Thu Jul 04, 2013 1:25 pm

Guest



Guest
Subject 13 wrote:Specialization: Tiejutsu

Tiejutsu

TIEjutsu

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