You are not connected. Please login or register

View previous topic View next topic Go down Message [Page 1 of 1]

1Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:55 am

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
B-RANK

Great Dragon Bullet:

Corrosive Blind:



Last edited by Jurou on Wed Jul 31, 2019 10:38 pm; edited 15 times in total

2Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:14 am

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
CLAN JUTSU

Skilled Mist Technique:

Revamped Skilled Mist Technique:



Last edited by Jurou on Wed Jul 31, 2019 10:39 pm; edited 15 times in total

3Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:50 pm

Chigetsu Hōzuki

Chigetsu Hōzuki

Dead
Jurou wrote:A-Rank
Boil Angel Figure:

Boiling Mist Dragon:

Steam Consolation:

Burning Edge:


S-Rank
Corrosive Grasp:

Just looking at these jutsu, I would recommend you reread the jutsu guidelines, which I will link, and the Osada Clan guideline, which I will also link. It might be best to relearn the rules in both and take a look at them when making jutsu.

Jutsu Guidelines: http://www.narutosaga.com/t29547-jutsu-guideline

Osada Clan: http://www.narutosaga.com/t30239-osada-clan



Mist Masterful Body: Maintainability no longer exist. Additionally, cooldowns are no longer required. D-Rank jutsu require 10 chakra.

Piercing Blade: Cooldowns are no longer required for any jutsu. Additionally, numbing/limb-paralysis, which is what I think you’re trying to go with here, begins at C-Rank. Additionally, you’ll have to describe what “scratches” means in this case in regards to the damage guideline chart.

Corrosive Arrows: For C-Rank, the min effect for range is 25 meters, so I would recommend you make this technique that range.Additionally, you’ll need to give a number for the radius of the mist you create with this technique. Additionally, Boil Release’s Corrosive Mist does -2 ranks of damage to individuals and interacts over a course of several posts. I would recommend you read the new Osada Clan rules for a thorough explanation.

Boil Clones: Currently clones are being revamped and are unable to be approved. Sorry about this.

Mist Death Barrage: What’s the radius of the created mist? Additionally, I would like you to give hard numbers for range instead of things like (5-10) and (10-15). Additionally, when making jutsu you should be aware of the “max effect” system. Jutsu D-B only get one by default, while A and S-Ranks get two. This number can be increased by one by giving a jutsu adrawback. A three post duration would be a max effect on this jutsu, and so would having multiple projectiles. I would also ask you to define the range of the swing that the senbon are scattered in with hard numbers, as well as another reminder to look at the Osada Clan’s new rules for how the “Corrosive Mist” functions.

15 Hit Kill: For this, what about the sword slashing makes it a jutsu? It sounds like the only thing chakra enhanced is the fire-release enhanced kick. Additionally, you’ll need to give numbers for everything, including how far into the air they’re kicked. This, honestly, doesn’t really sound like a jutsu but instead a combo of basic strikes. The last sentence especially, since you can’t cast a jutsu within a different jutsu.

Void Walk: The values for B-Rank ranges are 40|60|80, being Min|Mid|Max respectively. I would ask you stick to these values. Additionally I would ask you stick to the speed values for the rank. At B-Rank, a flat speed increase is capable of boosting you by 50 meters per second. Cooldowns are no longer needed, and you’ll have to give this a duration as well of at least one post. When putting tissue damage, I would ask you look at the damage chart and select one of the listed values instead of just putting “second degree”. B-Rank min is Moderate Second Degree, for example.

Great Dragon Bullet: The values for B-Rank ranges are 40|60|80, being Min|Mid|Max respectively. I would ask you stick to these values. Additionally, no cooldowns are required any longer. Instead of putting “50 to 60 m/s”, I would also ask you stick to having one hard number.

Corrosive Blind:
This says it has a duration of one post but could blind people for two posts. Change the duration to 2 posts to fix this. Additionally, please give a single hard number instead of “Corrosive Blind”

Boil Angel Figure: No cooldowns are needed. Also, I’m sorry, but clones and clone-like techniques currently are being redone and cannot be approved.

Boiling Mist Dragon Technique: This technique has clones a part of it, and currently we aren’t approving clone techniques. Sorry.

Steam Consolation: You’ll have to define better how much damage this technique does. I would recommend you to look at the Osada Clan rules for damage guidelines that their corrosive mist follow.

Burning Edge: Maintainables like this are no longer a thing. You’ll need to give it a duration. Additionally, Bukijutsu is no longer a spec.

Corrosive Grasp: The max duration is 3 posts for a jutsu. Cooldowns are no longer required as well.

4Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Mon Jun 24, 2019 2:31 pm

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
Half of the jutsu that's  on here I'll end deleting and replacing with new jutsu

CHANGES MADE
Mist Masterful Body
Great Dragon Bullet
Corrosive Blind
Steam Consolation
Burning Edge
Corrosive Grasp

JUTSU DELETED
Piercing Blade
Corrosive Arrows
Boil Clones
Mist Death Barrage
15-Hit Kill
Void Walk
Boil Angel Figure
Boiling Mist Dragon Technique

5Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:20 pm

Chigetsu Hōzuki

Chigetsu Hōzuki

Dead
Jurou wrote:A-Rank

Steam Consolation:

Burning Edge:


S-Rank
Corrosive Grasp:

Mist Masterful Body: This describes the user as being able to make the liquid acid from thin air, but in what range? I assume this is supposed to be used to assist other jutsu, so would it use their range for this?

Great Dragon Bullet: You say this does third degree burns, but what sort? I’ll link the damage table. In it, minor, moderate, and major third degree burns are defined differently. In addition to this, you’ll have to define how far “the surrounding area” is for the impact.

Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) 8l31g9F


Corrosive Blind: In the description you write “5 through 15 meters in length”, but in the range section you put 40 meters. I assume 40 meters is the correct range, and so you should alter the description to represent this. Additionally, this should be a supplementary jutsu rather than offensive. I also want to let you know that all Boil Release techniques have a free three post duration, and so you can make your duration 3 posts instead of 2 if you want. Additionally, you don’t need a cooldown.


Steam Consolation: Approved

Burning Edge: This is approved, but I want to let you know that all Boil Release jutsu can have a free three post duration, and so you can make your duration 3 posts instead of 2 if you want.

Corrosive Grasp: You’ll need to define what sort of damage this technique causes. Additionally, you’ll have to define how far the mist chakra is spread from the touched areas. Additionally, not drawback is needed.

6Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:04 pm

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
CHANGES MADE
Mist Masterful Body
Great Dragon Bullet
Corrosive Blind
Burning Edge (changed the Duration to 3 as you said)
Corrosive Grasp

7Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:24 pm

Daremo




S-rank
Jurou wrote:D-rank
Mist Masterful Body:

C-RANK

B-RANK

Great Dragon Bullet:

Corrosive Blind:
A-Rank

Steam Consolation:

Burning Edge:


S-Rank
Corrosive Grasp:

Boil Release: Corrosive Blind I am confused on what exactly you trying to do here. You mentioned ‘blinding the enemy’ or ‘damaging their eyesight’, can you word it better/coherently. Cooldown is not needed

Boil Release: Corrosive Grasp: Need an activatiion. When it comes to burning through stuff, change the wording to ‘except chakra enhanced substance’. Also, does the mist, which spreads, does anything? Cooldown is not needed.

Boil Release: Steam Consolation:Corrosive Mist does two ranks lower damage and interacts once per post at a rank lower.

Mist Masterful: Range need to be ‘5 meter radius’. Speciality needs to be ‘Ninjutsu’ not ‘Kekkai Genkai’

Great Dragon Bullet ½ approved
Burning Edge: ½ approved

8Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:14 am

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
CHANGES MADE
Corrosive Blind
Corrosive Grasp
Mist Masterful Body

Steam Consolation:
Will edit the damage output later

9Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:35 pm

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
CHANGES MADE
Steam Consolation

10Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:57 am

Yasubei

Yasubei


C-rank
Jurou wrote:D-rank
Mist Masterful Body:

B-RANK

Great Dragon Bullet:

Corrosive Blind:

Mist Masterful Body: Not Approved - Firstly I need you to switch to the new jutsu template Which will mean moving your hand seal and changing your duration to one post. This jutsu needs to have the -10 chakra cost removed. If the -10 is a drawback this jutsu already has no max or mid effects so that seems unnecessary. If it is stating that the jutsu should cost ten chakra less it still needs to be removed. If it is denoting the chakra consumption of the technique, -10 is standard for a D-Rank, so it need not be included. That being said this is effectively an E-Rank jutsu, so I’d like the jutsu to reflect that. Additionally this doesn’t use either of the elemental rules for Boil release, so I’d like you change the element. Most importantly I this jutsu cannot appear within or around someone instantly especially not at D-Rank. I need a rate of speed at which your chakra travels there to create this effect if it is going to appear out of thin air.

Boil Release: Great Dragon Bullet: Not Approved - This jutsu doesn’t use the rules for Boil release, so I’d prefer if the element was changed or the values be changed to align with the ones laid out for the Osada clan. Additionally remove the “which they hold for a few seconds” and list a size for the dragon head.

Boil Release: Corrosive Blind: Not Approved - Almost perfect you just need to use the right template and the jutsu needs to specify that your using corrosive mist and specify the damage value. Additionally since there is a supplementary value I would like you to list “Supplementary” in the type alongside “Offensive”.

11Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Sun Jul 07, 2019 10:08 pm

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
MIST MASTERFUL BODY (NOW ACID TOUCH) & GREAT DRAGON BULLET
Changed Mist Masterful Body to Acid Touch

Damage value has been changed & dragon size added for GDB

CORROSIVE BLIND
Changed effects around CB

12Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Mon Jul 08, 2019 8:59 pm

Yasubei

Yasubei


C-rank
Jurou wrote:
CLAN JUTSU

Skilled Mist Technique:

Revamped Skilled Mist Technique:

Boil Release: Skilled Mist Technique: Not Approved - This jutsu either has one max effect or one mid effect too many, depending on which radius you want. Pick a radius unless you’re saying it is a 75 m radius cloud that expands at 100 m/s and can travel anywhere within a 100 m radius of the user. In which case I would simply say: “...creates a 75 m radius cloud that grows and travels at 100 m/s and must remain within 25 meters of the user.” Additionally if you’re gonna use the corrosive mist rules for your benefit you’ve gotta take all of the drawbacks too. They have to do damage of two ranks lower. In this case specifically, Moderate 2nd degree burns. One more flavor thing: “...capable of melting any defense...” this is technically not true. It is possible to make a defensive jutsu that can tank three S-Ranks (or A Ranks if they are solid defenses.) that being said they are so rare this sentence is probably fine to be kept.

13Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Tue Jul 09, 2019 12:43 am

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
SKILLED MIST
I'll take off the 75m radius then. Makes no point in that sense.

And the "capable of melting any defense..." albeit it does interact with items as if it was 2 ranks lower but the damage builds up over time within the 3 post duration, so it's possible but I'll delete the little sentence.


Changed the damage value for Skilled Mist

14Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:30 pm

Fuyuko

Fuyuko


A-rank
Jurou wrote:D-rank
Boil Release -  Acid Touch:

B-RANK

Great Dragon Bullet:

Corrosive Blind:

Jurou wrote:
CLAN JUTSU

Skilled Mist Technique:

Revamped Skilled Mist Technique:

Acid Touch - approved
Great Dragon Bullet - Bad imperial numbers! (change it to like... 5m or even 10m and consider it approved)
Corrosive Blind - Too many values. Max speed and damage + a utility effect.
Skilled Mist - approved

15Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:09 pm

Jurou

Jurou


S-rank
Corrosive Blind
Damage output follows the Boil Release Liquid Acid damage values, but I lowered the damage to minimum B-rank for the first post and lowered the speed to 50 m/s

16Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Empty Re: Jurou Osada (Jutsu Update) Wed Jul 31, 2019 10:43 pm

Chiaki

Chiaki


A-rank
Jurou wrote:B-RANK

Great Dragon Bullet:

Corrosive Blind:

1/2 approved, I don't see why any of this wouldn't be allowed, it's all within the parameters.

Sponsored content



View previous topic View next topic Back to top Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum

Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden belong to © Masashi Kishimoto.