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1Kurogasu Clan Empty Kurogasu Clan Wed Aug 17, 2016 8:38 pm

Trueno




D-rank
Symbol: Kurogasu Clan 5b05Qx9

Clan: Kurogasu

Kekkei Genkai: Smoke Dissipation

Elements: Katon[Must be primary]

Specialization: Ninjutsu[Must be primary]

Location: Kumogakure

Clan History: Beginning as a peaceful and nomadic clan that traveled the area where Kumogakure is located today, the Kurogasu were an intelligent and proud tribe, many of its members exhibiting control over Katon chakra with ease. Specifically they were able to use smoke based katon techniques. It was these abilities that led to the Clan being contacted. Meeting with a group who had claimed themselves the Raiu, they were met with an offer, to join that clan and create a Hidden Shinobi Village. Given that they owned the lands where the Daimyo had ordered the village to be built, and becoming part of said village would not only make them stronger, but give them a stable homeland. The Kurogasu were no fools, and so they had accepted. Coming together with the Raiu and the other founding Clans of Kumogakure they would help form the foundation for Kumogakure to grow and thrive on. Once Kumogakure became an established village the Kurogasu were tasked with being a main part of the military force. For their smoke based techniques made them very proficient scout and signal shinobi. As Kumogakure grew as a village the Kurogasu itself, overjoyed with how everything had been going would start to branch out. Refusing to claim land for a compound the Kurogasu would instead live side by side with the villagers, passing their knowledge and teachings to their neighbors. However after a horrible injustice of duty during the 2nd shinobi war, during which hundreds of Kumo shinobi were killed due to several Kurogasu lookouts abandoning their post. The Kurogasu were shunned by all except the Raiu. Now known as a clan of traitors because of the actions of a single squad of shinobi. The clan fights for redemption proving that they as a group, are just as loyal to the village as the day they helped create it.

Kekkei Genkai Description: Smoke Dissipation is a technique where the user can dissipate their body at will. This technique completely nullifies all physicals attacks (such as taijutsu, bukijutsu, and certain ninjutsu) making it impossible to receive damage from them while in this form. However the user can still take damage from non physical attacks such as certain ninjutsu and chakra enhanced attacks. When damage is taken in a smoke state, there will be no physical damage noticeable once returned to their base form, but regardless the damage will have been done.  Applying this technique, the user can modify their body parts for suitable situations. Be it to evade an enemy's attack during a battle, to infiltrate a structure, or to launch a surprise attack, this technique boasts a high strategic value. While in this form the user has full control over the smoke and can move fluently and freely, bending and manipulating the cloud to suit their needs. However the user cannot attack or use jutsu while in a basic smoke form, and only when they master the smoke dissipation can they use this technique for direct offensive purposes. The smoke cannot be displaced as the chakra of the user is distributed throughout the smoke at an even and steady level to keep it intact.


Due to being so in tune with their Katon chakra the Kurogasu receive -20% word count requirement for learning Katon Techniques

Drawbacks:

Due to relying on Katon so heavily the Kurogasu take +1 damage from Suiton based attacks.

Kurogasu members cannot train or learn the Suiton element.

Due to the physical properties of smoke, while utilizing the Smoke Dissipation technique, shinobi take +1 damage from Futon based attacks.

Kurogasu members must take the Hesitant(Element) negative characteristic, and cannot take a positive characteristic to counter balance this.

The Kurogasu must take Ninjutsu as a primary specialization.


Members: (Members of the clan can be updated here)

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:

Smoke Dissipation:



Last edited by Trueno on Sat Apr 28, 2018 8:07 pm; edited 6 times in total

2Kurogasu Clan Empty Re: Kurogasu Clan Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:56 pm

Fukai

Fukai


D-rank
Hiya


KKG:


Ok, I don't like the whole 'completely invulnerable' thing. Maybe limit this to invulnerability to non chakra enhanced objects. Following up on this, how would damage look like if you took it in your smoke form when you convert back to normal?

You will need details on how your smoke body interacts with objects, for example, you could still be trapped in an airtight container. Also, what happens if someone blows some wind around and the smoke gets dispersed?

How are your abilities and actions limited while in smoke form?


Drawbacks:


Will need more active drawbacks here. Get two good ones here (maybe they could be related to your weaknesses in smoke mode).


Jutsu:


Smoke Dissipation:

Have the same code as normal jutsu for this thing. If a section of the code doesn't apply, just write 'NA' next to it.

Scorching Smoke Cloud:

Can people see through this cloud?

Give dimensions that the cloud cannot exceed.

Stat manipulating starts at C rank jutsu, consult jutsu guidelines for how to approach.


Ok this is a start, there will be more to come :)

3Kurogasu Clan Empty Re: Kurogasu Clan Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:16 pm

Trueno




D-rank
Updated to incorporate your recommendations, thank you for helping. :D

4Kurogasu Clan Empty Re: Kurogasu Clan Sat Aug 20, 2016 1:02 pm

Trueno




D-rank
Made some changes to the clan, hope to heard from you soon :)

Added new jutsu: Smoke Clone Technique:

Added new drawback: Kurogasu members cannot train or learn the Suiton element.

Edited: Due to being so in tune with their Katon chakra the Kurogasu receive -30% word count requirement for learning Katon Techniques -> Due to being so in tune with their Katon chakra the Kurogasu receive -20% word count requirement for learning Katon Techniques

5Kurogasu Clan Empty Re: Kurogasu Clan Sun Aug 21, 2016 7:20 am

Fukai

Fukai


D-rank
KKG:

"This technique completely nullifies all physicals attacks"
Change to "This technique nullifies non chakra physical damage". I want it to be crystal clear that everything that is chakra can do damage. On the same note, remove the listing of the specs as you can definitely use these specs to create damage from chakra.

"When damage is taken in a smoke state, there will be no physical damage noticeable once returned to their base form, but regardless the damage will have been done"
This doesn't really make sense, I would like there to be some physical wounds on the users body that is related to the damaging ability of the attack taken.

"The smoke cannot be displaced as the chakra of the user is distributed throughout the smoke at an even and steady level to keep it intact."
Hmmmm so here you're saying that any attempt to blow someone apart/away or even just move them slightly while they are in this is completely futile.. Well I guess you can have it this way, it just removes one of the usual weaknesses for this type of thing. This will be taken into account for balance. Could you add a bit more of a justification for why the kurogasu are unable to be split up while in smoke form?

I would like you to add in that if a jutsu is used against you to end the smoke dissipation jutsu or another of that type, that you will be forced out of smoke mode.

Also add in something along the lines of: "If the jutsu ends while the smoke is unable to come back together to reform the users body, the smoke will turn back into it's human form, however the body parts that the separated smoke corresponds to will also be separated. This can cause severe injury or even death." If someone seals your smoked hand in a box and you are forced out of smoke mode then it makes sense that your hand will have separated too.


Jutsu:

Smoke dissipation

I would like a listed maximum at every rank for: volume of smoke created, distance smoke can span in any one direction, speed that gas can move. 

For the B rank, I think maybe you were meaning to put sp. jounin in there as the rank progression goes chuunin>sp.jounin>jounin

"This rank of dissipation technique activates in response to impact from a C rank jutsu, preventing harm to the user."
I would like you to either remove this or provide much, much more detail on what is going on here. How is it activating without the user's thought? From the way you've stated it, it sounds like all c rank jutsu will just not affect the user if the dissipation jutsu is off cooldown. This is a completely new part to the kkg that hasn't been addressed yet so thing carefully if you want to add it or not.

A rank jutsu can't be used by chuunin at all unless there is something that says otherwise.

" but can be maintained normally at Sannin (S-Rank)"
Remove 'sannin' and just have s rank as sannin is a title and separate from rank.


Smoke clone technique

"Your current chakra, 200, would be reduced by 20 for the cost of the jutsu; you want to make 3 clones, so your chakra is divided by 4 (you + 3 clones). This gives each clone a fourth of your chakra. So, each clone would have 50 chakra."
(200 - 20) / 4 = 45, not 50


Scorching cumulus

Why can a kurogasu see through this smoke? There's no justification in the description or in the kkg about this.


Phew. We are getting there :)

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