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1Torayuri Clan Empty Torayuri Clan Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:09 pm

Hakushi

Hakushi


D-rank
Symbol:
Torayuri Clan 4239b139-852f-4f33-9531-4c9bd3844913_zpspd9b2dmi


Clan: Torayuri

Kekkei Genkai: Maindoyuri

Elements: Primary: Fūton; Secondary: Any

Specialization: Primary: Genjutsu; Secondary: Any (Except Taijutsu and Bukijutsu)

Location: Scattered (Takigakure)

Clan History:
Warring States Period:
Formation of the Hidden Villages and the First Shinobi World War:
Second, Third, and Fourth Shinobi World Wars:

Kekkei Genkai Description: The clan's Kekkei Genkai, the Maindoyuri, is a kaorijutsu (scent technique). Their bodies posses special scent glands, located behind the ears, that allow members of the Torayuri Clan to increase the amount of pheromones that their bodies produce, at will, and use it to create powerful illusions, first affecting the scent senses before taking over the mind.

Drawbacks:
Physically Weak:
Hesitant (Specialization):
Hesitant (Element):
Carried Aloft:

Members: Torayuri, Hakushi

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:
Illusionary Pheromones:
Sickening Scent:
Forbidden Technique:



Last edited by Hakushi on Mon Sep 07, 2015 10:05 am; edited 5 times in total

2Torayuri Clan Empty Re: Torayuri Clan Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:40 pm

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
Hiya!

KKG

Looks fine, A clan who specializes in scent based Genjutsu... i;ve seen it once or twice around here. But, you mention your scent being like a doujutsu... how? Most Doujutsu have abilities in of themselves, so that would imply that your nose has abilities... >.> or your sense of smell at least. You don't REALLY portray that. So I would simply stick to saying that the clan have the unique ability to emit airborne pheremones from their skin for their jutsu.

These should also be considered medical techniques. Med / Genjutsu. (as they use a micro-biological function of the body which you would need to control)

Drawbacks

A-ok! Though, pheremone techniques being weak to Fuuton should be a thing, cos of the whole blow away thing.

Jutsu:

1/"and any person of equal Genjutsu rank or lower" - this doesn't make too much sense, might want to revise your wording to make it a tad more understandable.

This jutsu is also FAR too similar to tsukoyomi. Complete sensory take-over, transportation to another realm where you control everything. It's just scent based tsukoyomi, The stunning alone you get 1 turn of a B rank and 2 turns of at A rank. So, alone by the characteristics you have here this would be an S rank Genjutsu for the C rank version you have posted here. ^_^

2/ This is fine, would like it to also be medical as well as gen. Also, how fast to the pheremones spread from yourself? I expect it to be rather slow / steady.

3/ takes 10 posts to kill... you should bold that... this should basically be maintainable for how long it takes, and as you control it during, i would like to see that happen. Speed of the pheramones please, as you are controlling them. I want the user to not be able to move or cast other jutsu during this technique. Otherwise nothing stops you from trapping someone, walking up and stabbing them in the face. If you wanna be able to do that, this technique is SS, not S.

3Torayuri Clan Empty Re: Torayuri Clan Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:13 pm

Hakushi

Hakushi


D-rank
I made the edits to the post. I did not add the medical ninjutsu to the specializations required by the jutsu as I do not think that it is something that needs medical ninjutsu training. I changed the description of the KKG to make it special scent glands that the clan possesses. This means that the user does not increase their own natural pheromones to create this jutsu, but that it is an addition pheromone that their body creates and expels.

As such, with the addition of the speed of the pheromones released, I did not make it a slow speed. But rather, it is like the pheromones are squeezed out of the glands in a *poof* before they slow down and linger. The durations were edited to demonstrate the lingering effect of the pheromones in the air. With this lingering effect, I did add the weakness to Fuuton and its ability to dissipate the lingering pheromones.

I also nerfed the "Illusionary Pheromones" genjutsu and put limits on the "Forbidden Technique: Black Lily of Death" genjutsu.

4Torayuri Clan Empty Re: Torayuri Clan Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:17 am

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
KKG
Okay, no mention of Doujutsu now, so, your body makes pheromones, its a controllable bodily process like a muscle, so, doesn't really require you to have the med training. But just know, that if you're doing things like, using your pheromones to alter people's brain chemestry with chakra enhanced chemicals... that WILL require med ninjutsu. Not saying you do, just a disclaimer. <3

That said, this is fine~

Drawbacks

Drawbacks are fine.

Jutsu

1/ C rank slows? By how much? You could say that it makes an opponent drowsy and sluggish if you don't want to put numbers on it. And with the B rank one, you stun on the second post of the duration... but it has a duration of 3? B rank jutsu can only stun for 1 turn. So please specify 'but not the third.' Also, what are the pheremones in air not activated numbers for? There's a lot going on here and some of it isn't explained. Also, what are the limitations of the illusions it creates at each rank? Haziness of vision? Loss of detail beyond X meters? They see giant skeletons coming to smash them?
2/ Looks fine
3/ You mention medical processes in this genjutsu, as if your pheromones are chemically removing senses, not with illusions. You will need to change those. Otherwise, this is fine.

5Torayuri Clan Empty Re: Torayuri Clan Sun Sep 06, 2015 8:45 pm

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
KKG
A-OK


Drawbacks
A-OK

Jutsu
Remove the tai and buki damage debuff on your second technique and the jutsu look fine to me.

Do that, and this clan is approved.

6Torayuri Clan Empty Re: Torayuri Clan Sun Sep 20, 2015 9:58 pm

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
Torayuri Clan 2ryk94o

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