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1Yuuki Clan Empty Yuuki Clan Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:30 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
Symbol:


Yuuki Clan Yuuki_10


Clan: Yuuki Clan

Kekkei Genkai: Iryo Kugutsu (Medical Kugutsu)

Elements: None

Specialization: Kugutsu and Medical Ninjutsu

Location: Konohagakure

Clan History: A newly formed Clan and not well known even in Konohagakure. The Yuuki clan learned to manipulate their puppet in such form that they even learned to store chakra in the puppet and use it for medical purposes during war. The Yuuki clan's main problem is that they have a hard time healing their own wounds because of their genetical disease hemophilia.

The clan also learned to transfer their medical knowledge towards their puppet and enable them to use it for battle. As time passes by the Yuuki clan began to surface and starts to build their own reputation as the Yuuki Clan.

Kekkei Genkai Description: Their puppet becomes their extension in using medical ninjutsu and the because of this the puppet itself can use medical ninjutsu using the chakra the user stored in the puppet using their clan's jutsu .

The clan can only transfer max of 1/2 of their chakra to multiple puppets, meaning they can transfer 1/4 chakra to two different puppets or transfer 1/8 of chakra towards 4 different puppets.

Any medical ninjutsu used by the puppet will have -5 less chakra consumption. The -5 only applies when the puppet uses his own chakra pool that was stored by the user. Only applies on medical ninjutsu.

Drawbacks: The clan suffers from a genetic disease called Haemophillia even despite being strong medical ninjutsu practitioner it still takes time for them to heal theirselves. Also with a limited amount of chakra that is stored on their puppets it may deplete in battle. Each member of the clan must take Haemophillia as a drawback. Also the Haemophillia of this clan have different effect than the usual one. When the member of the clan receives medical ninjutsu the usage of chakra is increased by +10 and healing them will take 1 post longer. All non-Medical jutsu used by the user have their activation cost increased by 5.

The puppet who currently have chakra will have slower movement ,the movement of the puppet becomes one rank lower.

The user cannot get back the transferred chakra to the puppet even when it's destroyed.

Every member of the clan should take haemophillia AND it can not be counterbalanced with a positive.  

Members: Kyousuke Yuuki

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:  

Transfer Chakra:


Weapon Enhanced Strength:

Scalpel Chakra Embedded Weapon:



Last edited by KyousukeYuuki on Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:51 am; edited 15 times in total

2Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:23 pm

Mitsuo

Mitsuo


S-rank
I'm going to focus on the jutsus first, since they're more my thing.

Weapon Enhanced Strength - This seems like its spec should be Puppetry as you are augmenting your puppet. You need to give numbers for the enhancement and explain what kind of damage they can do (EG can it crack bones? Cause concussions? Leave bruising or muscle damage?). You also need to specify a range in meters.

Scalpel Chakra Embedded Weapon - Once again please specify range and damage. This one should be Med/Puppetry.

"Because of this unlike the normal puppet users who do this the Yuuki clan uses less chakra when using medical ninjutsu with their puppets as they were able to store a certain amount of chakra in their puppet before their battle, the amount of chakra depends on the rank of kugutsu known by the user." Please give an example of what you mean here (in numbers) by less chakra cost.


Drawbacks: "
The clan suffers from a genetic disease called Haemophillia even despite being strong medical ninjutsu practitioner it still takes time for them to heal theirselves." for this please add in "Each member of the clan must take Haemophillia as a drawback."

When you edit what I have asked you to, please bump this thread and I'll take another look~

3Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:46 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
Bump. Edited :)

4Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:17 am

Yōsei

Yōsei


S-rank
Chakra reduction is an ability reserved to be the sole ability of an S-rank item. I'm hesitant to approve chakra reduction on a clan for that reason.

Secondly, the rank of a medical technique you can use through your puppet would still be dependent on your ninja rank, not the rank of your medical ninjustu spec.

5Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:49 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
edited once again :)

6Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:21 am

Kenshin

Kenshin


D-rank
Ok, so a few things.

For your Kekkai Genkai, I don't see chakra reduction for med jutsu happening without some serious drawbacks. At least 2-3 more.

As for your current Drawbacks, we need something more concrete to describe Haemophilla. Does it give a -1 to all healing Medical Ninjutsu applied to the members of this clan? What exactly does it do? The second drawback is fine, though the part about how much chakra can be stored should be in the Kekkei Genkai Description, not the drawbacks.

Next, is the jutsu

Transfer Chakra: I need a number here for the range. Something more specific than "Long Range" also, how is the chakra transferred? Through the strings? By touch? Some details on the process is needed.

The write ups for the other two need a little cleaning up. As they are now, they are a little hard to understand.

Just bump the thread when these changes are made :)

7Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
bump! :)

Edited , if I need to edit it more just tell me :D

8Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:53 pm

Morrigi

Morrigi


D-rank
Remove "The rank of the user will affect the strength of the medical ninjutsu used by the puppet" because a C rank jutsu used by a genin or a kage is still a C rank jutsu.

To what purpose does transferring chakra to your puppets do? Can they use it for jutsu or something beyond what you can normally do? You also need to note if you can take any out of them while the puppet is intact, and how?

Is the -5 chakra cost the medical throught the puppets always in effect, or only when they have chakra in them, or only when the puppets are paying the cost of the puppets. If always active then you need more several more drawbacks. If only when the puppet is footing the chakra cost then you will only need a few more drawbacks.

As for drawbacks you only really have one drawback(at least with the current form of the puppet storage thing) that is actually defined, the increased drawback of Haemophillia. If you want requiring of Haemophillia to be balanced as a drawback then you need to state that it has to be taken AND it can not be counterbalanced with a positive.

Jutsu:
Please include a speed that the projectile travels at.

9Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Fri Nov 15, 2013 6:02 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
Edited and ready to be rechecked again

10Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Sat Nov 16, 2013 1:04 am

Morrigi

Morrigi


D-rank
Due to the fact that you can choose how much chakra to put into your puppet, it isn't a huge drawback. It combined with the requirement for haemo, and the increased effect of haemo don't quiet add up to balancing the -5 chakra. Add one or two more in and should be good.

On the chakra transfer jutsu I think you added a little extra something on the end of it about weapon speed. Think you might want to clear that up. Also it is kind of implied that you can't use ninjutsu without multi tasker while transferring. If that is the case please have it stated.

11Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Sat Nov 16, 2013 7:18 am

KyousukeYuuki

KyousukeYuuki


D-rank
added another drawback and fix everything what you said :D

12Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Sat Nov 16, 2013 7:55 am

Morrigi

Morrigi


D-rank
If someone else has a problem with this(that actually counts that is) they should pipe up. Otherwise

Approved

13Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Wed May 21, 2014 12:13 pm

Bokuden

Bokuden


D-rank
Chakra reduction on clans needs to be counterbalanced by an increase in chakra expenditure elsewhere. Yours is more situational than others', but the current counterbalances you have are inadequate.

14Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Thu Jul 10, 2014 2:13 pm

Mikage

Mikage


D-rank
As the requested edits have not yet been made and the 72 hour timeframe has long since past, this clan is now locked for staff-made edits.

15Yuuki Clan Empty Re: Yuuki Clan Wed Jun 03, 2015 7:31 pm

Tame

Tame


D-rank
The -5 for all non-Medical jutsu was added. Approved.

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