Clan: Naitomearīpā

Kekkei Genkai: Insutansu-ka: Fantomuchēn (Instantiation: Phantom Chain)

Elements: User's Choice

Specialization:
Primary - Bukijutsu [Onojutsu]
Seconday - User's Choice

Location: Scattered

Clan History:
"Nightmares follow you like a shadow, forever."

The Naitomearīpā Clan's history is one shrouded in a veil of secrecy and terror, dating back to before the Second Great Ninja war. Rumours say that the Naitomearīpā Clan originally began as a small cult of doomsday prophets and conspiracy theorists that gained some minor popularity in Kirigakure known as the Order of the Basilisk. The order preached that life was but a lie, a transitory journey period one experiences as they pass between existences. The ruling class of the Order believed that to complete this 'journey', one must simply die their final death. This would be achieved through a mass extinction event that would obliterate the very earth itself, one that the Order believed would all too soon visit itself upon all that the light could touch.

The story goes that before long word of these heretical ramblings reached the ears of the higher-ups of Kirigakure, who swiftly decided to take action. A group of assassins was dispatched to where the Order was known to operate with strict orders to quickly and silently 'remove' every single living thing that was residing within. The attack went off without a hitch, save for one glaring problem: the Order of the Basilisk's compound was also found to be filled with both women and children, difficult targets to mercilessly slaughter under any circumstance. It's said at this point there was some kind of vote, or perhaps even a fight between Kirigakure's conflicted hit men, to determine the fate of the defenseless mothers and their children. Whatever the method of reaching their decision, fate would have it that they chose to spare their less dangerous quarry and turn their heads instead to the maniacal madmen who made up the bulk of the Order. With his dying breath, the leader of the Order of the Basilisk swore that their message would never die, that he and those like him who had completed their on that day would continue to whisper it from beyond the darkest void until the end of time, so that all mankind could one day follow him through to paradise.

Here, details of our tale begin to become increasingly more sketchy and sporadic. It's said that, fearing for their lives, those mothers and their daughters and their sons who survived that day fled the Land of Water, changing their names and going their separate ways for their own protection.

However, the past always has a funny way of catching up to us no matter how hard we try to escape it. Before long the children began to experience horrific nightmares citing, 'awful whispers and garbled screams of the end of the days' assailing them whenever they closed their eyes. Nothing anyone did could stop these nightmares as they rapidly became worse, turning from simple bad dreams to full-blown night terrors. Before long some children reported beginning to hear the whispers while they were awake too, taking on eerie speech and movement patterns not long after that. For those children word then began to come in detailing that incidents of waking up in the night screaming were on the decline, but that this was coupled with drastic personality changes. Still unable to make hide nor hair of the phenomenon, the parents were forced to just accept that at least the worst was over and move on with the their lives.

Time passed. The children who survived the death of the Order of the Basilisk had children of their own, who then had children of THEIR own, all who came to experience the exact same mysterious affliction that their parents had before them. At around the age of the 6, the nightmares begin. By the age of 8 the nightmares are supposedly gone, and the child in question is a completely different person. Supposedly, it is these children who would quickly become known as the Naitomearīpā Clan.

Kekkei Genkai Description:
The Naitomearīpā Clan is known/feared for two different things. The most infamous of these two things is their Instantiation: Phantom Chain. The Phantom Chain, a Onojutsu sickle and chain-esque weapon, is a weapon temporarily drawn from the Nightmare that is then forged and tempered in the users chakra. The awesome speed and power with which a Naitomearīpā is capable of wielding the Phantom Chain is nothing short of phenomenal, not only can it be summoned almost instantaneously from anywhere on the users body but it can disappear just as fast. Finally, the chain is capable of being infused with the user's primary chakra nature, granting it altered appearance and enhanced abilities based on the element used.

Secondly, and less well known, is the state of being the Naitomearīpā Clan aptly call 'the Nightmare'. When a member of the Naitomearīpā Clan dies, an 'imprint' of their spirit is left behind in minds of their kin. This imprint whispers incessantly with tales of the death of the world and the darkness beyond this life, and what lays even further beyond that. The Nightmare is both a blessing and a curse. While the Naitomearīpā can draw strength from this endless chattering, it also distracts and slowly eats away at the mind of all those who live within its folds.

The Insutansu: Fantomuchēn, or 'Instantiation: Phantom Chain'. The weapon is an ethereal, pitch coloured chain of variable length with a sharp serrated blade at its tip that is comprised purely out of the users own chakra. It is noted for the speed in which the weapon can be materialized and launched at an opponent, as well as its ability to be generated from seemingly any part of the users body. With proper training and dedication, members of the clan are capable of advancing the technique by learning to summon multiple instances of the Phantom Chain at once. Accomplishing this requires a training thread of varying word count to train Instantiation: Phantom Chain to the next rank each time, once has been achieved, the thread the technique was trained in must be posted in your jutsu registration and be reviewed/approved like any other technique. You must also pay a varying ryo fee for each upgrade.

The word count and ryo fees for training each additional rank are as follows:
C Rank: 500 ryo + 1500 words
B Rank: 1000 ryo + 2000 words
A Rank: 1800 ryo + 2500 words
S Rank: 3600 ryo + 3000 words

'The Nightmare' is a whole nother world of sorts; a mind palace perhaps, that lives within the heads and hearts of the Naitomearīpā Clan. By drawing on this phenomena, the clan can siphon the 'whispers of their ancestors' from the Nightmare and use their chakra to give them form, the key to creating Instantiation: Phantom Chain. In addition to this, the constant slur of words and thoughts that the Nightmare pulses through the victims mind and body means that the Naitomearīpā Clan's minds are constantly halfway somewhere else, making it difficult for the various effects of Genjutsu to properly take hold. Genjutsu used against members of the Naitomearīpā clan are able to be broken as if it were one rank lower.

Due to the clan's long history and mastery over the Nightmare and Instantiation: Phantom Chain, Naitomearīpā are capable of using a single jutsu, (defined during Jutsu Registration) that requires Bukijutsu as a specialization at +1 rank higher than normal. This cannot be applied to Instantiation: Phantom Chain or any kind of jutsu that utilizes it.


Base Instantiation: Phantom Chain
(-5 Chakra per turn.)
The first trained rank of Instantiation: Phantom chain, the user may summon a single Phantom Chain from the palms of their hands that curls in the air around the user in its neutral state. The user may propel the chain out toward an opponent within 25m at speeds of up to 5m/s with a mere thought or merely grip and swing the weapon when faced with closer quarters combat. The blade at the tip of the chain is capable of inflicting 1 inch cuts and is capable of piercing. If the Phantom Chain has been dissipated, there is a 1 post cool down before it can be reactivated.

Code:

C Rank
(-5 Chakra per turn.)
The first trained rank of Instantiation: Phantom chain, the user may summon a single Phantom Chain from any one of their arms or legs that curls in the air around the user in its neutral state. The user may propel the chain out toward an opponent within 40m at speeds of up to 15m/s with a mere thought or merely grip and swing the weapon when faced with closer quarters combat. The blade at the tip of the chain is capable of inflicting 1.5 inch cuts and is capable of piercing. If the Phantom Chain has been dissipated, there is a 1 post cool down before it can be reactivated.

Code:

B Rank
-10 Chakra per turn.
The second trained rank of Instantiation: Phantom Chain, the user may summon up to two Phantom Chains at once from any one of their arms or legs. The two chains twist and curl in the air around the user. The user may propel one or both chains out toward an opponent within 60m at speeds of up to 25m/s or merely grip and swing one or both weapons when faced with closer quarters combat. The blade at the tip of the chain is capable of inflicting 2.25 inch cuts and is capable of piercing. If the Phantom Chain has been dissipated, there is a 1 post cool down before it can be reactivated.

Code:

A Rank
-10 Chakra per turn.
The third trained rank of Instantiation: Phantom Chain, the user may summon up to two Phantom Chains at once from any place on their body that they can physically see. The two chains twist and curl in the air around the user. The user may propel one or both chains out toward an opponent within 80m at speeds of up to 35m/s or merely grip and swing one or both weapons when faced with closer quarters combat. The blade at the tip of the chain is capable of inflicting 3 inch cuts and is capable of piercing and partially cutting through bone. If the Phantom Chain has been dissipated, there is a 1 post cool down before it can be reactivated.

Code:

S Rank
-15 Chakra per turn.
The fourth and final trained rank of Instantiation: Phantom Chain, the user may summon up to three Phantom Chains at once from any place on their body they choose. The three chains twist and curl in the air around the user. The user may propel any number of these chains out toward an opponent within 100m at speeds of up to 45m/s or merely grip and swing one or two of the weapons while the other one or two are free to strike on their own when faced with closer quarters combat. The blade at the tip of the chain is capable of inflicting straight-through cuts and piercing and are capable of cutting through bone with a correctly timed angled attack as well as severing limbs. If the Phantom Chain has been dissipated, there is a 1 post cool down before it can be reactivated.

Code:

Elemental Infusion
For an additional -10 chakra per turn on top of the current level of upkeep, the user may infuse Instantiation: Phantom Chain with the power of their Primary Element, usually drastically altering the appearance and moderately altering the abilities of the Phantom Chains themselves. The changes are detailed below:

Katon:

Fūton:

Raiton:

Doton:

Suiton:

Code:

Drawbacks:
- Naitomearīpā Clan member's style of fighting clashes poorly against Taijutsu techniques. All Taijutsu techniques used against members of the clan act as they were at +1 rank higher than normal. Additionally, they cannot take Taijutsu as a specialization.

- The Naitomearīpā do not believe in the healing arts, and thus cannot take Medical Ninjutsu as a specialization. In addition, they must take the Pharmacophobia negative characteristic, which cannot be balanced with a positive one:

Pharmacophobia:

- The Naitomearīpā are not used to fighting with their own bodies. As such, they receive a -1 to their Strength stat for anything related that requires their own physical strength. This does not affect Instantiation: Phantom Chain.

- Due to the clan's inherent affinity for Bukijutsu [Onojutsu], the word count for training of ALL other specializations other than Bukijutsu [Onojutsu] is increased by 50%.

- If Elemental Infusion is active, the Phantom Chain can be dissipated completely by jutsu of 2 ranks higher than that of the chain that are also of the opposite element.

Members: (Members of the clan can be updated here)

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu: (What jutsu is unique to your clan? There can be a max of four - with a limit of 1 S / SS rank jutsu, and 1 Scaling Jutsu.)

Torēsuchēn Kiba (Tracing Chain Fang):

Hiya

KKG:

I would like you to move the last two paragraphs of your history to the KKG section as they give details on the KKG.


"Naitomearīpā are capable of using any jutsu that requires Bukijutsu as a specialization at +1 rank higher than normal."

This is very strong, would like you to change this to only being able to have one bukijutsu jutsu one rank higher than normal. Also I would like a sentence to say that this cannot be applied to your chain KKG.


Due to there being no upfront chakra cost of resummoning the chain, I want there to be a cooldown of 1 post when it is broken/deactivated.


"C Rank
(-10 Chakra per turn.)"

You can drop this down to -5 if you like.


"A Rank
-15 Chakra per turn."

Lower to -10 if you like.


Apart from the S rank chains, your other levels can be buffed in either damage, speed or range to meet the guidelines. (Or if you like, take the range of S rank down to 80m and you can take away one of your inactive drawbacks).


"Elemental Infusion
For an additional -15 chakra per turn"

You can lower this to -10 if you like.


"now deals burns at damage one rank higher"

Is this the minimum damage of one rank higher or maximum? (same question for the rest of the elements).


"...from the top creating a sort of 'tri' formation,"

Can you explain what this means?


"The chain gains an additional 100% speed and 50% range. Additionally, lightning will automatically arc toward opponents who come within 10m of either the chain or blade, dealing burn damage of the same rank"

Under what conditions and how often does the lightning arc happen?


"a much more fluid and sporadic manner, making its patterns harder to predict."

What does this mean? Couldn't you just control your chain in this way anyway? You won't be able to give this as a reason for disallowing an opponent the ability to react to it. If you want some sort of bonus with this effect, I will need something more concrete.


Drawbacks:

"The Naitomearīpā do not believe in the healing arts, and thus cannot take Medical Ninjutsu as a specialization. In addition, they must take the Pharmacophobia negative characteristic:"

Add that it cannot be balanced with a positive characteristic.


Would like two more active drawbacks or one more and change the taijutsu weakness to encompass all of taijutsu. An active drawback is one that will have an effect in battle.


"If Elemental Infusion is active, the Phantom Chain can be dissipated completely by jutsu of the opposite element."

Very strong weakness, may want to change it so that the jutsu has to be 2 ranks below or higher to cancel.


Jutsu:

Don't want any jutsu?


I love this clan. Well done.

Welcome back~

KKG

"Due to the clan's long history and mastery over the Nightmare and Instantiation: Phantom Chain, Naitomearīpā are capable of using a single jutsu, (defined during Jutsu Registration) that requires Bukijutsu as a specialization at +1 rank higher than normal. This cannot be applied to Instantiation: Phantom Chain or any kind of jutsu that utilizes it."

You say that this perk is due to the clan's mastery over the chain but then at the end say that it cannot be a jutsu that utilises the chain. Not really a problem with balance or anything, may just wanna change the wording around somehow so it lines up.


Ok, so these chains are looking very strong. We should put in something about the durability of the chains, and they should be pretty weak. This shouldn't be too much of a problem given the low cooldown of the ability. I'd say one basic strike of an equal rank or one jutsu of a rank lower to break each chain. Also add in that elemental weaknesses and strengths are taken into account when the chains do their elemental infusion thang. I know I went back on my previous decision with regards to one of your drawbacks, but with the KKG as it stands now, I don't think that what I propose is unreasonable.


"sprouts razor sharp 'wings' of sorts from the top much like a bird in flight, most typically taking on the visage of a bird of prey."

How big are the wings?


" Additionally, lightning will automatically arc toward opponents possessing any sort of conductive metals who come within 10m of either the chain or blade for more than one post, dealing burn damage of the same rank as that of Instantiation: Phantom Chain."

Wording needs to be cleaned up a little here. You say for more than one post, how long exactly? Again there is no one set rank of burn damage. Also I assume that the burning is happening when the metal comes into contact with flesh, add that in.

This effect leaves little to no counterplay as well as being super strong. I would like the metal conduction to happen when the chain is in contact with the metal. Note also that leaving the wording how it is, any metal on the user's person would get affected too.


"complete with numerous spindly 'legs' and a larger pincer-like blade at its tip (or 'mouth')"

Give the size of these things.


"Element: Suiton"

Okay a few things need addressing with this. I can't give you the -1 reaction time here, I am going to have to insist that if you want it to be harder to predict, that you RP it out as such. Just saying your opponent has -1 reaction time means all of their point to point movements are slower while this jutsu is out which doesn't really make sense let alone the balance aspect.

Again there is no one set damage for each rank, tell me specifically.


"Phantom Chain and allows the victim to be whipped around like a rag doll if they cannot break free."

Make this effect B rank and up. Also will need a strength level at which the target can break free.

Also remove the part about the persisting head of the chain as when this ability is released, all effects should end as well.


Drawbacks

"hey receive a -1 to their Strength stat"

specify -1 tier


"Due to the clan's inherent affinity for Bukijutsu [Onojutsu], the word count for training of ALL other specializations other than Bukijutsu [Onojutsu] is increased by 50%."

I think you are meaning sub specs as well? If so then add that in.


You can remove that last drawback with the implementation of the chain durability above.


Jutsu

Torēsuchēn Kiba (Tracing Chain Fang):

"Range: 40m from end of chain"

The range still has to fit into the jutsu guidelines. These guidelines measure range from the user.


"Cooldown: 2 posts"

Up to 5


"A direct hit to a vital area can be lethal if not treated with haste."

This should be removed as it is not part of the damage guidelines. While in RP it is very realistic that 3 inch cuts cause death in a vital area, this needs to be RPed out in the thread itself.


Alright! Round two is done.