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1Zaboo  [Done] Empty Zaboo [Done] Sun Oct 19, 2014 9:58 pm

Ichiru Katsu

Ichiru Katsu


D-rank
Symbol:
Zaboo  [Done] Katon_Icone

Clan: Zaboo


Kekkei Genkai: (None)


Elements: Katon as primary or secondary


Specialization: Kenjutsu


Location: Scattered


Clan History:
Once a great clan that delt with the arts of swordsmanship, and praised by surrounding villages had been destroyed by a few rouge ninja that wanted the power our name once brung. Now only down to a few ninja who posess the ability of swordsmanship. Finally the traces of this, thought to be extinct clan has been traced back to a young boy named Striker Tashigi, and now he searches for those like himself, to rebuild and bring the clan that was once awed by shinobi around the nation back again.





Kekkei Genkai Description: (None)



Drawbacks: (None)


Members:
Striker Tashigi (Leader)
Ichiru Katsu (Co-Leader)



Last edited by Ichiru Katsu on Wed Oct 22, 2014 9:24 am; edited 4 times in total

2Zaboo  [Done] Empty Re: Zaboo [Done] Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:29 pm

Gin

Gin

Retired
Ok! Time to start! The drawbacks need some work. As it stands, this isn't nearly enough to balance out an advanced element and a +2 to speed. In fact, I'm not too sure that this would classify as an advanced element in the traditional sense. Personally - unless you rework exactly how air and fire make speed - I see this being more like the Nara Clan (a single element clan).

Now, from what I understand, the +2 to speed only applies when using the advanced element, correct? If this is the case, the effect wouldn't be "instantaneous speed" which can be abused - a lot. In other words, I can't allow travel at instantaneous speed. You need to define the speed that the shinobi can travel per rank. I.E:

Genin: 10 m/s
Chuunin: 15 m/s
Special Jounin: 20 m/s... etc.

If you choose to have it function this way, it would be best for you to remove the +2 to speed as effects of jutsu. If you add heavy drawbacks, it can stand as a passive +2 to speed.

The drawbacks... Added cooldown, weakness to water and inability to use taijutsu aren't nearly enough to balance the perks. The only thing that actually affects battle constantly is the cooldown increase, and it's not all that significant. You need to add a lot more. Tip: Negative Special Characteristic are your friend!

Look at the Nara or Senju for reference to drawbacks, depending on how you want to rework this.

So, recap:


  • Choose between the scaling speeds per rank or the +2 to speed as effects of the Swift Release.
  • If you want to keep the +2 to speed as something passive, add a lot of drawbacks.
  • Choose between an advanced element and rework the explanation of how the two elements come together or make it a single element clan.
  • Get rid of all mentions of instant travel.
  • Re-balance the drawbacks to something more significant.

3Zaboo  [Done] Empty Re: Zaboo [Done] Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:34 pm

Striker Tashigi

Striker Tashigi


D-rank
ok we will fix it

4Zaboo  [Done] Empty Re: Zaboo [Done] Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:42 pm

Gin

Gin

Retired
If you're not going to have a KKG, you don't need drawbacks.

5Zaboo  [Done] Empty Re: Zaboo [Done] Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:54 pm

Tame

Tame


D-rank
Approved.

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