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1Saiyama Clan Empty Saiyama Clan Fri Aug 07, 2015 3:58 pm

Oomi

Oomi


D-rank
Symbol: Saiyama Clan Etflnr


Clan:  砕山 (Saiyama - Mountain Crusher)

Kekkei Genkai: 改善する Kaizen Suru (Improve)

Elements: Doton (Earth) | Futon (Wind) (Primary is determined by Taijutsu path Strength(Doton) vs Speed(Wind))

Specialization: Taijutsu (Must be Primary) | Ninjutsu

Location: Iwagakure

Clan History:
The Fourth Shinobi War:

Prelude to the First Southern Mountain War:

The First Southern Mountain War:

Prelude to the Second Southern Mountain War:

The Second Southern Mountain War:

The Saiyama of Iwagakure:

Kekkei Genkai Description:
改善する Kaizen Suru (Improve)
The two factions of the Saiyama are affected by the KKG in slightly different but simliar ways. This pertains to the path they chose for their Taijutsu; Speed vs Strength. However, for story purposes this is an inherited trait as opposed to something chosen. The affects of the KKG are as follows;

The Subayai, who focus on speed, gain the associated buffs attributed to their path. However, rather than gaining the +1 that they would when reaching S Rank they instead sacrifice this eventual buff for an immediate +1 to their strength. What this means is that a Subayai Saiyama starts with +1 to speed and +1 to strength, and later gains the second benefit of a +2 as stated in the taijutsu rules pertaining to the speed path. (No S Rank +1)

The Tsuyoi, who focus on strength, gain the associated buffs attributed to their path as well. However, they in turn sacrifice the +1 they’d have gained upon reaching S Rank for an immediate +1 to their speed instead. This translates to a +1 to strength and +1 to speed upon creation and subsequent +2 to strength as stated per the taijutsu rules for the strength path. (No S Rank +1)

Due to the Saiyama’s origins as a Taijutsu Clan and their continued heavy focus on the style all Saiyama are capable of using Taijutsu techniques a rank above what their Nin Rank should normally allow. Thusly, a Genin is capable of using B rank Taijutsu and so on.

**In exchange for an immediate +1 to either their Strength or Speed Saiyama sacrifice the +1 they’d have received through Taijutsu at S-Rank.

Drawbacks:
Because of their focus on Taijutsu and physical combat, Saiyama are incapable of learning Kugutsu or Genjutsu.

Also due to their focus on Taijutsu and physical combat in order to learn Medical Ninjutsu, or Fuinjutsu their words counts are increased by 25%.

In order to learn Bukijutsu or Kuchiyose a Saiyama clan member’s word count is increased by 25% and must be learned from a PC.

Genjutsu  and Kugutsu used against Saiyama clan members receives a +1 in rank.

No S Rank +1 for Taijutsu (Speed/Strength) Stat according to path.

Due to their origins as a non-shinobi clan and the reliance of their passive stat buffs on their chakra all Saiyama clansmen take a permanent -20 to their chakra pool. ( -20 Chakra )

Members: Saiyama Oomi [ Current Clan Heir ]

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:
“ 体強化 (Kyōkatai - Bodily Enhancement)“:

“土遁・土筍壞雨 (Doton:

“土大神山砕 (Dōkami Yamasai - Crushing Mountain of the Greater Earth God)”:



Last edited by Oomi on Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:38 pm; edited 7 times in total

2Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Sat Aug 15, 2015 4:56 am

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
KKG
Okay, you're alright here, i would simply like you to add on each of the clan things rather boldly at the end that they do not recieve the +1 upon reaching S rank, cos you summise, and then remove that from the summary. Just to make it crystal clear.

Drawbacks

I would like you to add one more drawback, something active which would effect you in combat. As, your extra +1 you get at the start, directly effects your characters power, as does your +1 to the use of taijutsu. But things like "I can't learn X spec" or "learning Y spec is harder" do not effect your combat power at all, they simply effect how much you have to write. So. they're not really on the same tier as pro's and cons. Feel free to remove some of them, as all they really do is limit options for clan members.~

jutsu

1/ "While this jutsu is active the practitioner is unable to use solely Ninjutsu techniques and becomes able to use only Nintaijutsu techniques that utilize the elemental chakra that pertains to their version of this technique." this senteance makes no sense... might need to revisit it.

2/ " it acts as a C Rank Ninjutsu Defense." -so what can it block, please state. One C rank jutsu? Reduce the damage on this jutsu please. As this jutsu does a lot, it needs a bit of a nerf. Good speed, good defense, good damage, good range. It needs to suffer somewhere...

3/ You cannot have 2 S rank jutsu, remove this, or the other one~

how fast are the trails?

You need to outline the steps a little better, and i would like some over-all extra detail to this jutsu, as it comes across as a little dis-jointed and a little hard to follow. I assume you send the trails, and those make the first pillar which traps you, and then step 2 adds another layer around, and then step 3 makes a mountain and drops them. I'd like it to be a bit more specific.

3Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Sat Aug 15, 2015 5:50 pm

Oomi

Oomi


D-rank
Gotcha! Edits made!

4Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:49 am

Ayakashi

Ayakashi


S-rank
KKG

Looks good~

Drawbacks

Look good~

Jutsu

  • 1/ hmmmm, im iffy, but okay, this is cool for now.
  • 2/ bit confusing, but you have the little chart there for damage and speed and stuff. Looks good, feel free to say about how big the shattered rocks are.
  • 3/ Holy crap... nice edit! Mostly, i would like you to lower some of the heights. 70m is getting a little over the top. that's like, 200 feet high. Half them, at least. But i think this jutsu is really cool, i dont think it will be effective almost ever in a fight, but, it would be fantastic to write doing~

5Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Mon Aug 17, 2015 8:43 am

Oomi

Oomi


D-rank
:3 Lol. I didn't even consider how tall things were in that last jutsu. I made edits and things!

6Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:02 pm

Taede

Taede


D-rank
The history is most flavorful. Something on par with my cooking, really.

Kyoukatai: Unless a user is forced to take Ninjutsu by the clan, the drawback is almost moot. Also, it becomes even more moot at Tokujou and Jounin when you have other things besides Ninjutsu to use.

Dojun Kaiu is good.

Doukami Yamasai: Am I correct in assuming each "step" lasts 1 post?

1/4 the chakra cost of 35 is messy; either up the base cost to 40 or give me a number instead of 1/4. I don't have much issue otherwise.

7Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:42 pm

Oomi

Oomi


D-rank
huzzah! bam! edits done!

8Saiyama Clan Empty Re: Saiyama Clan Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:48 pm

Taede

Taede


D-rank
Saiyama Clan ON2wN1R

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